I'm not going to lose this journal, but I still don't use it a lot.

but it's helpful on occasion to have a journal to post rants or whatever to and know that really no one is going to read it.

I am extremely, EXTREMELY frustrated by the way this training is going.

Liz is a sweetie, I like her a lot.

BUT...

she's been here 2 weeks and hasn't picked up more than 2 job skills yet.
she's been here 2 weeks and is still wanting one of us to sit with her when she works on tickets.
she's easily distracted away from the very ABSOLUTE basics, like checking for NEW tickets.

I need to discuss this with the "co-trainer". So much for me being a trainer, huh? :s

I still spend the majority of my time doing things other than training.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ARGENTYNE!!!

I had to do it in pink. I knew it would make you groan! ;)

I miss you and will call you over the weekend!

just as a note...

I understand that we're all busy. I understand that everyone has lots of hobbies and stuff that they do outside of work and friends...

But you know how in the SIMS games you LOSE friends if you don't interact with them every so often?

Happens in real life too. If you get too worked up with your hobbies and you stop socializing with your friends, then you WILL lose the friends.

Granted, it takes longer in real life than in the Sims, but it still happens.

It's not MY fault that you were "anxious" enough to get here about an hour early. It is not MY fault that you decided to start working then. It is not MY fault that you didn't understand what I understood about the login request AND that you didn't call me to clarify...

Do NOT snarl at me because YOU are upset with yourself. I get really tired of it.

from a friend. I'm starting to worry about her. She wrote:

"aaahhh, all you people with your dating, and marriages, and honeymoons, and houses. You all depress me. I know it's stupid, but I feel very much like I have completely failed at this life crap thing.

I have been asked out by 1 guy who was trying to check if he wanted to be gay or straight. Everyone else has always given me the "you're just like my sister", or "I WOULD date you, BUT...." speeches.

I know only 1 single person and I have never even met her in person.

The last person who expressed interest in me then turned around and apparently jokingly implied that no one would ever want to date me. I say apparently because he said that he meant it as a joke, but neither I, nor anyone else who saw the post (that I talked to) took it as a joke.

I understand that I have to like myself before anyone else will. And I have for years, when does the interest happen? I watch all these people around me getting asked out and no one ever asks me. I have so little experience in dating or socializing that I have no idea what comes after the watching stage.

I have gone out and been in the social scene, I have tried personals, I have just not-looked, and everything in between. I don't know that I actually WANT a significant other, or a spouse, but how will I ever know when I can't even get to the dating stage?

I try so hard to be happy for friends, but all I ever feel like is crying. I try to be happy and I think I normally manage to put on a relatively happy face, but at the same time I just end up pulling back further and further. Which I know doesn't help.

But I don't want to be a quick or easy lay for some jerk. I want an actual relationship. I want someone who will actually want to spend time with ME. Not with me because I am friends with the person they actually want to jump the bones of.

I don't understand and I don't know how to rectify my non-comprehension. I watch other people who are horrible people, shallow people, rude or mean people and THEY all get asked out and a lot of them end up in relationships at least for a while. I don't know how to do that and I only get more and more depressed by watching this.

What's funny is that I'm not a suicidal personality, but at the same time I do show the tendencies more and more in my life. I worry about that because one day I may not remember the responsibilities of friends/family/pets that holds me now. I don't want to lose at the game, but I worry that I will surrender before the game is over."

I went back and read the stupid little cow's journal. While she still makes my hackles stand up and a low growl trickle from my throat, she no longer has the power to make me want to howl and scream and gnash my teeth (preferably in her flesh).

She's still a cunt. and I don't use that word lightly. I still waver a LOT on whether or not to use a curse on her. I know a couple of entities that would do it cheap. But it does sway my karmic balance.

I would love to have her learn the EXTREMELY hard way that her treatment of people is so low that it makes piss-poor look high. But at the same time, I have to be somewhat realistic that I am hurting myself by not going out and socializing. Work isn't a good excuse to not do so. I will slowly start socializing again and I do know there are friends out there who do choose to spend time with me. I know there are people out there who hate her even more than I do. The problem with that is that I don't trust those people any more than she does.

I still think her treatment of me was abominable, and I think that she deserves to have all her skin flayed off and then be thrown into a vat of vinegar and salt. I would eat popcorn while I watched. But at the same time I have to trust that eventually she will be Karmically repaid.

one hopes. and if not, then I still know some entities who would take great delight in making her miserable and would do it for cheap.

you ARE cranky. You have been upset all day, I will stop teasing you, but in return YOU get to stop biting my head off anytime I do something that you don't think I should be doing in the manner that I am doing it. Take a breath, have a cup of tea or something. Difficult and stressful the job may be, but it is NOT personal.

As Catbert says: Take a pill, crybaby.

watching a friend go through emotional turmoil is not pleasant.

I set back and watch Argentyne get walked on by so many people. Maybe "walked on" is too harsh, but at this point, that does appear to be the case.

She is a GOOD and forgiving friend. She will give you the shirt off her back in the middle of a blizzard in Siberia with never a qualm and general a self-deprecating joke to show that she's okay with what's happening as long as YOU come out of it okay.

I have watched her get stabbed in the back by people who just wanted a scapegoat or just wanted to use her for her stuff. I have watched her be let go from a job because one of her coworkers didn't like her and whined to the boss until it came time to select who would be laid off.

I have watched her get screwed over by other people swearing to be friends who then ignored her time of need. It's not like she needed a million dollars or even monetary support. All she needed was a phone call. (Heck, you could have just sat there and made yes/no noises and she wouldn't have really noticed). I watched her on the whole 2 dates she has ever been on (watched meaning she told me about them afterwards, not that I was stalking her. ;) I watched her glow because she started to think that SOMEONE in the world might find her interesting enough to want to know her as more than just a "friend". And then crumble into powder when she was told that she wasn't whatever enough of what they wanted to even get a second date.

And yet, each time she comes back. Generally pretty happy, and resourceful, willing to give a second, third, fourth or whatever chance to anyone. (STUPIDLY) willing to trust when someone says they are a good person.

So why do we (as a culture) walk all over these people? These are the people who will literally move heaven and earth for just about anyone. Argentyne performed CPR on a FROG for pete's sake... I saw her hold a dying lizard cradled in her hands so it wouldn't have to die alone.

Why do people sometimes seem to go out of their way to make life difficult for people who care so much? Why? Do we, as a culture, want them to care less? How can that be? Do we want them to become emotionally crippled or so full of hate that they can never feel a simple joy again? When you hurt anything repeatedly, you train it to stay away from whatever it is that hurt it. If you train a human that emotional support will be taken away, eventually they don't reach for emotional support again. Ever. They turn inwards if you are lucky and they often end up suicidal. They are the ones that are found 3 months after committing suicide, found by the bill collectors who show up to find out why the bills aren't being paid... Sometimes, they even shut off all the bills first.

Or, sometimes they turn outward and become psychopathic sociopaths... Why do we crush when we should nurture?

Humans are a sad race.

you are a spoiled little egocentric bitch who actually deserves to be taken out, stripped naked, whipped for 100 stripes, then marched through the streets to have stuff thrown at you. Preferably with a placard around your neck saying False Friend, Backstabber, User, or something even more indicative of your personality flaws.

You hurt Argentyne to the point where I had to talk to her for hours to get her to stop crying. It took nearly 3 solid hours! She thought you were her friend!! Her mom was correct, you are a Users and a Leech. All you wanted was to get everything you could and then dump her.

I honestly hope that your surgery results in nearly constant pain for at least 1 year. So that you can maybe come to understand what you have done to other people. You think that Argentyne needs therapy. Well, you know, she may have seriously hurt friends in her life, but at least she tried to apologize and make up for it.

You deserve the worst things I could ever devise. Argentyne is still of the opinion that you might come over and apologize for reading her diary and getting mad at her more than 2 years later. I think she's deluded. But that's her choice to make. It's my choice to hold your personality against you.

Bitch.

A friend of mine was stupid enough to start sleeping with a girl that he worked with and who was dating a friend of his. Poaching... Then he lost his job... THEN he convinced the girl to move in with him. 3 days before she is supposed to move in with him, she says that she changed her mind.

This doesn't shock me, really. What shocks me is the fact that he didn't insist that she pay for her part or at least most of her part of rent regardless. Instead he wanders around getting drunk and worrying about it instead of actually doing something about it. He could be looking for another roommate, or talking to his landlord about moving to another apartment or out of the property entirely.

Then he and I talk today and he asks (Jokingly) if I happen to have $500 just lying around. I tell him that I don't have that much, but if he absolutely needed it, I could possibly loan him $100.

::WTF?! How many times do I have to get screwed before I stop offering to loan people money?! Especially when I already know he is stupid?!::

He then tells me that the half of rent that she was supposed to have paid is really only $350, but he is $50 short for his share of rent and he needs another $100 to be able to buy gas, food and smokes.

Okay, personally, I live in an apartment that is far more expensive than his place obviously is. He lives in Everett and I don't. But even so, I can understand not being able to make up for a missing half of rent if your rent is $1200 or $1500, but when it is only $700?! I understand that it would be horribly tight, but there are options, come one.

You should have had at LEAST your share of rent ready. For jiminy's sake, if you can't even manage to have $350 for rent, then you need to move back home with your parents. As for food, gas and smokes.... Food: most people have enough canned or non-perishable food to last for a couple of weeks at least. Lord knows, I could go for a month. Not happily, and not really well, but I could. You should be able to as well. And if you are that broke, eat ramen. It's very very cheap and you can get really cheap veggies to throw in it as well. Carrots and celery and onions are cheap as well. Poof, soup.

Heck, buy a beef hock or a ham hock. Make soup with that. They did it for centuries all over the country. Beans and the above mentioned veggies are all cheap. You can make massive quantiites of that soup and it will keep for a week.

Gas, okay, gas is a necessity in this day and age... But you know other people who live in the Everett area and go down to at least Woodinville, suggest carpooling for a couple of weeks. Get them to chip in on your gas since you will have a bit further to go.

As for smokes... quit. Go cold turkey. For pete's sake, smoking is a luxury and if you can't afford the cigarettes, you need to quit.

Anyway, I just finished watching Red Dwarf on DVD... I love Red Dwarf, but I'm sitting here thinking.... some of those episodes are missing something.... I know they are missing scenes that are on the VHS, what is this crap that you are editing out parts of my shows?! Grumble grumble grrrr.

I may have just missed them, though. Anyway, happy new year. Don't be stupid.

still can't get a new job. the school district never even called me. I am going to fill out all the paperwork for the windows position that they have. I suppose I will mail that off to them also. Fuckers. I am probably one of the best qualified candidates they had apply but they didn't call me. fuckers.

I got a call yesterday from Act 1 staffing. They are submitting my resume to AT&T wireless. They have an internal help desk they are hiring 75 people for. $18/hour. But only until Dec. Maybe longer, but don't hold your breath.

But I am getting depressed again. Can't find a new job. bitch is still a bitch. People who say they are my friends actually aren't. Moving sounds good, if only I could afford it.

And that software is missing. It's only $400 worth of software new, that's all. Like I can afford that much to replace it.

With any luck, MS will decide to put Virtual PC on the gratuity list next time I go play.

and monkey island is a stupid game. glad I didn't buy it way back when.

sulk. you made your bed. you lie in it. you want to be juvenile and irresponsible, great. go ahead. just be prepared to live with the consequences. It's your choice to make your life that way, just like it is my choice to make my life this way. Deal.

So sulk.

daytime, when all the stupid people are out. watched several people break laws on my way to work. Stop signs mean STOP.

At least my job pays me well enough to put up with some of it.

Back to working on various art projects today. Argentyne's tattoo image is going well, and may turn out nice. Here's hoping.

"Contrary to recent polls and the election-year charges of his presidential challengers, Bush said there was an "undeniable" sense of optimism about the economy."

Where does he find this supposed optimism? I have known several people who have been out of work for months or even a couple of years now. The few who have gotten jobs had to take jobs at about half their previous wage. They are now being threatened with lawsuits and bankruptcy because of this crappy economy. Everyone I know is rather UN-optimistic about the economy as long as this moron is in office. Bush is a retard who needs to be just slapped around until SOMETHING gets through to his pitiful brain.

"Democrats accused the Republican president of being out of touch. Nearly 2.8 million factory jobs have been lost since Bush took office and the issue looms large ahead of November's vote."

Have we ever had a president who managed to lose that many jobs? For no reason? I can understand the Great Depression. I even understand that we are still in a depression now, but there isn't enough of a reason to have us have THIS much of a depression. In my opinion the president should be thinking more about actually taking care of the country not haring off to pursue someone that he doesn't like.

"During a 49-minute round-table at a Tampa window and door factory, Bush described the economy as "strong" four times, expressed optimism repeatedly, and said how "upbeat" he was another four times."

It's sad when your speech writer is having to repeat words because he has NOTHING to write about, and because the speaker has such a limited ability to read/parrot.

"Democratic presidential front-runner John Kerry (news - web sites) countered that such appearances were more about "creating photo opportunities than job opportunities.""

TRUE! The man is convinced that the more photos there are of him the more loved he is. Stupid egomaniacal idiot.

""You can say, 'Well of course, they just pick the upbeat people.' Well, the truth of the matter is people are pretty upbeat all over the country. That's what I'm here to report to you," he said."

upbeat? UPBEAT? no, they are so depressed they are becoming hysterical!!!! Do you have someone lying to you this badly, or are you just too stupid to be able to actually judge? I agree with Sen. Graham who is of the opinion that if Bush had stuck around a little longer and paid more attention to what was going on around him, he would have been hard put to miss the problems in the economy and the emotional status of the people.

"Bush seized on NuAir's hopes to hire 40 more workers this year. "Forty workers here, five workers there, begin to add up," he said. It was his 19th visit to the state as president."

Yeah, 45 out of how many lost jobs over the last 4 years? Great management. fuckhead.

You go and continue trying desperately to convince people that your tax cuts actually benefitted them. I got what, $25? That was in the first tax cut. I have never seen any positive results from the tax cuts in general. I read the fine print, we got money then but our taxes will go up as a result in a year or two. The only things I see any more money wise is the money leaving my pocket. I see gas prices climbing for no reason I can discern and Bush wandering around with his head up his ass saying everything is just dandy. I see my grocery money buying less and less of the on sale crap that is all I can afford anymore and Bush skipping along saying our economy is doing great!

I think that the man is cunning, but stupid. He reminds me of an experiment that was done once with Reagan. In the experiment, Reagan had to just stand in front of a waving American flag and smile and wave. A voice over read a series of horrible things that were impacting the country, but when they asked people what they had seen and heard on that commercial, all people remembered was the smiling, waving president. I think Bush wants to be that commercial.

If he gets re-elected I am moving. Out of the country.

Man's attempts at flight date back to around 1020 when Oli-
ver of Malmesbury, an English Benedictine monk, strapped a
huge pair of wings to his body and try to soar into the air
from Malmesbury Abbey. He broke both legs.

In 1783, Jacques Charles released a large unmanned balloon
from Paris. It landed in Gonesse where it was attacked and
destroyed by villagers who thought it was a monster.

In the early years of this century the Parisian Count de
Guiseux created an Aeroplane Bicycle. The device featured
large wings fixed to a bicycle with a propeller linked to
the drive chain of the back wheel. To have any hope of
elevation, the Count had to pedal furiously, making any
form of flight an exhausting prospect.

The aerial velocipede was the brainchild of Monsieur A.
Goupil in the 1870s. Resembling a unicycle beneath a Zeppe-
lin, it proved spectacularly unsuccessful despite an opti-
mistic write-up in the French trade press.

In 1742, French nobleman the Marquis de Bacqueville launched
an ambitious attempt to fly across the River Seine in Paris
with paddles strapped to his arms and legs. With a huge
crowd gathered below, he leaped from a window ledge on the
top floor of his house and began flapping vigorously. He
fell like a rock but was lucky enough to land on a pile of
old clothes in a washerwoman's boat. He sustained nothing
worse than a broken leg.

well, we shall see how long I keep this up for. But it could be interesting, I suppose.